The Mandelbear's Musings

0329 Su
  * up 8:20; W=187.6; drugs, nose; coffee, emergen-c
    ! annoyed at how much time sleep takes out of the day.  OK otherwise.
  * turn alarm back on; charge phone
  * backups
  * LJ filter management
  * buy diet Coke for Colleen.  One for the house, too.
  * Visit Colleen
  * Walk (Los Gatos Creek to park)
  * buy coffee
  * buy shower curtain for back bath, light bulbs
  * 7ish drop Ash off at airport
    ! pleased & proud that they're acting responsibly
  & See Colleen, with Plink
    The Owl and the Pussycat, The Band Played Waltzing Matilda (her request), 
    The Mary Ellen Carter (got distracted thinking about a TGl arrangement)
  ! feeling totally overwhelmed by the taxes and other sorting
  ! thinking about the future scares the shit out of me right now.  I'm less
    able to avoid thinking about it now.
  & puttering.  Avoiding.
    ! upset/annoyed with/a myself.
  * sorting.  Most of the already-sorted 2008 stuff now in envelopes.
    the piles remain unsorted so far.
  & Moved health and travel to the tax-related front section of the files
  & 11:15 bath.  Water way too cold.  ! annoyed
  & took cell phone into bedroom
  * 11:30 bed; woke briefly ~3:30

A good walk, but uneventful. I feel good about singing for Colleen -- she loves it, and I need to get back into the swing of it. I'm feeling totally overwhelmed by the taxes; normally I'd be farther along by now. I can recognize it as avoidance, but don't know why and don't know how to stop. I did spend an hour or so sorting; I guess that's something. I still need to go through four piles of envelopes on the desk.

Thinking about the future scares the hell out of me now; it's becoming harder to avoid. The depression was probably one of my avoidance mechanisms, wasn't it? I can still avoid doing things, but not thinking the things I haven't done and am still not finding the time to do. Bletch.