The Mandelbear's Musings

I started writing this post in early 2016, after having ghosted my 50th high school reunion in the September of 2015. My notes from back then were

not clear what I was avoiding: needs further analysis. In general, I wasn't really sane at that time. [I was starting to burn out, though I didn't know it at the time.]

The original plan was for me to go to the reunion, then go with the whole family to Mom's birthday party. Somewhere in there I panicked over finances, and let it slide until I ran out of time.

I was also avoiding (a) the unfamiliar transportation situation around the reunion, and (b) the known problems with Colleen on a long air trip. I went to Mom's party by myself.

When it came time to make arrangements for Mom's party, the original plan had been completely forgotten -- I only discovered my notes for that after the fact.

I went to my 50-year college reunion in 2019, partly because of not having gone to the HS reunion. But this year, I skipped the (roughly) 50-year reunion of Columbae (the co-op I lived in my last couple of years of grad school), and went to OVFF the following week. This weekend as I write this. You'd think I would have learned.

The logistical considerations were different this year -- instead of worrying about flying with Colleen, I was worrying about the cats. But if I'd had any damned sense I would have gone to the reunion, letting G care for Ticia, and boarded all four cats to give me an uninterrupted long weekend on Whidbey. Which would have been useful. And I would have been able to schedule medical appointments a week earlier. (Of course, at the time I didn't know that I was going to need that many medical appointments.)

I realized a couple of weeks ago that one common factor was travel arrangements. I've almost always either had people to travel with, or at least a convention to wind up at, in a known hotel, so most of my arrangements were predetermined. And conventions are usually at airport hotels, so I've rarely had to rent a car. I can do all that stuff, and have done all that stuff, but when I'm depressed and obsessing over it I tend not to think clearly, and apparently it's really easy for me to procrastinate until it's precisely too late for anything but the default decision. Which is invariably wrong.

I had a similar problem back in 2017 with the total solar eclipse -- by the time I realized that I really needed to make reservations, it was too late. (Though even the 95% we had in Freeland was pretty impressive.) I wonder what I'll do about the one next year. There's still time. OTOH the best seeing will be in Texas.

And I wonder what I'll do about my 55th college reunion, which is next year. And a few months before that, Consonance, in the Bay Area. Maybe I should practice a little before then?

Meanwhile, here I am at OVFF. And I'll have a pretty good time! (Whether I actually do any singing in open filk circle is an open question -- so far I haven't.) But I've missed seeing another group of people I'll probably never have a chance to see again. It seems my bucket list has a hole in it. (Cue "There's a Hole in the Bucket", which may explain some things.)

I should post this before tomorrow. Which is only 14 minutes away.